Saturday, June 30, 2012

What Makes a Villain Pt 2 (Basically Frollo)



Let me just start off by saying that a priest from a church I sometimes go to was found with some *ahem* illegal material that had to do with children. Let me use that as a segue into talking about Judge Claude Frollo as a pedophile.
Well, first of all he is a freaking racist bigot. If you don't know what that means, just look it up. It's not a bad thing (well it's a bad thing to be...), I  just don't feel like explaining it. Instead, I'll give a synopsis of how evil this character is without being an attempted rapist.
Honestly. They're gypsies. Your point? You're a judge. They aren't trying to bother you. You're the only one at fault here sir. They are just trying to live out their lives, and you engage them in a high speed pursuit by horse. And you don't even give them a fair chance, they're on foot!
Obviously the only reasonable thing to do is to kill the innocent woman on the steps of the church and try to drown the baby because it's ugly. Totally. The only reason to take the baby in after murdering his mother is because the archdeacon threatens you.
You know you have a problem when a man from the church threatens you.
So you raise the child and teach him that he is a monster. Never let him leave.
http://cache.ohinternet.com/images/thumb/b/ba/Pedo-bear-seal-of-approval.png/618px-Pedo-bear-seal-of-approval.png
PEDO TIME.
Let's start with the fact that he looks like a child molester. I can accurately say this because my schools thus far in my life have hired several who have gotten fire later in the year for *ahem* inappropriate touching. Creepy eyes and too many rings, plus he just has that look on his face.
Now, Quasimodo. He taught Quasi that he was his only friend. If he stays away in here, he'll be safe. He strokes the boys humpy thing with his bony pimp ring fingers. Quasi will stay safe because he stays at home. Stockholm Syndrome much? (That's when an abducted person believes that their captor is actually trying to protect them, they start to idolize them. Don't quote me on that though.)
Enter Esmerelda. She is a beautiful, sexy gypsy who knows how to dance. She pole dances in a skimpy sheer dress and then totally makes fun of him and defies him.
PAUSE. I just wanted to let you know that I had a Mexican Pizza from Taco Bell for dinner. It was really good.
PLAY. So then Frollo decides that he wants to arrest her and he creeps on her in the church. He gets all feely, sniffs her hair and neck, has 'unholy thoughts.'
She stays in the church because Phoebus is just a darn nice guy and says that she claimed sanctuary and proceeds to sing one of the most beautiful songs ever. Meanwhile, Quasimodo has fallen in love and Frollo is alone is his room singing to his fire. He thinks about wanting sexytimes, sees her practically nekkid in the flames. He says, "Choose me or your pyre, be mine or you will buuuuuurn!"
Basically, he' saying: Be my sex slave and live in my closet chained up like an animal or I will kill you.
And there you have it. I think the greatest villain is a pedophile.
I myself have been in many near molestation situations, like the other day at our local Subway. The local homeless man who does his drugs next to the dumpster every evening was just standing at the cash register, babbling and not really seeming any kind of threat. He couldn't form two coherent words and didn't seem to be talking to anyone in particular. I go to the cash register to pay for my food and he moves closer. He keeps talking and these are the only things I could make out: stripper, bold breasts, something painted yellow, something about babies, and book from the 1400's, and condom.
I pretended to get a phone call, walked calmly out of the store with Derp, and RAN FOR OUR F*CKING LIVES BACK TO THE DANCE STUDIO.
And then there is my former technology education (woodshop) teacher (Ladies, could one of you just bend over and pick that up for me? And: Call me over if you're gonna use the belt sander. I gotta watch you, make sure you don't jam it in too hard.), my former assistant principal (I like your pigtails. I want you to wear them ever day that I'm here. {He was only at our school 3 days a week}) and the general music teacher from sixth grade who unfortunately has tenure and is still working there as far as I know  (Turns up the heat so we take off our sweatshirts, strategically places fans to blow skirts around, once pretended to trip in the hallway and grabbed my butt. I'm also pretty sure I heard him calling a hooker once.)
Creepers are evil.
They give me terrible nightmares. That's why I almost couldn't read The Lovely Bones. But friends told me it was good after the rape scene so I just skipped through most of that chapter.
Think on that my friends. I'm watching Psych on ion, so I'm all set for now.

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

What Makes a Villain Pt 1

I AM DONE WITH SCHOOL.
So now you know that I'm not dead.
Hey, did you ever notice that I use the word 'so' to start the majority of my sentences? Because I just did.....
AnyWhovian, I'm just sitting in my room with the laptop. I decided to check my DeviantART, and in my deviantWATCH stack I had a punch of stuff from #DisneyVillainsClub. And it got me thinking...
What really makes a villain?
Many think you just need someone who is evil or sinister or mad (with power or otherwise).
But what is truly evil?
I'm just gonna flat out disqualify all revenge cases. Except for Maleficent, because there's really no reason for her to have been invited to Aurora's christening. That's just a little bit of crazy and no real reason to hate this girl so much.
Then there's the Evil Queen.
If any of you watch(ed) Once Upon A Time, first of all BEST SHOW OTHER THAN DOCTOR WHO TORCHWOOD SHERLOCK and then: Regina is powerful. And she has an actual reason to want to kill Snow. Crazy bitch of a mother and suddenly getting married to a creepy older guy when you already have someone you love, when that one girl just goes and f*cks everything up for her. So her mother rips out her lover boy's heart and Queeny there snaps.
I wouldn't really count her as evil, because she is driven by revenge for her lost love. Same as Sweeney Todd, underneath all the guts it is really just a love story.
Then there's the classic Disney Snow White queen. She has no justification for her bloodlust, she just wants this girl dead because she's prettier.
So starting the list of traits that make a villain:
1) No justifications for what they're doing, just selfishness or being a tad crazy.
2) Vanity to a ridiculous extreme.
I'll finish part two another time, starting with Judge Claude Frollo from the Hunchback of Notre Dame being a complete and udder pedophile.