My Printer Needs to DIE

I know it's been done on theoatmeal.com, but it really is true.
Get it straight printer! When I need something in black and white, it doesn't matter if the cyan cartridge is running low. I need two. Freaking. Words. To glue to the top of my trifold board.

There was this one time, when like, it like totally only printed like every other line of my Spanish project that was due the next day. EVERY OTHER LINE!

And now we come... to THIS...

The scanner.
So I pull up a scan preview, work out the coloring and sizing, then I tell it to save it.
And it gives me this. Off center, not even close to what I wanted, and drunkenly tilted.

Every. Single. Time.

That's all I can say without going into full on rant mode, and I know you guys don't want that.

Sooooo you should check out The Oatmeal's post about printers.
Here's the link!
http://theoatmeal.com/comics/printers
Click it.
Just do it.
You know you want to.